The age old problem of where or how to begin exists. It sounds so very cliche to “start at the beginning”, but I believe that is the answer for me.
It was 1998 or 1999, a lifetime ago it seems. Life was good. I was married, owned a house and held down a fairly decent job. The world was my oyster.
Then “It” happened. Unexpected. Out of the blue.
My wife (now ex-wife) had a “break from reality” – the nice way of saying – “mental breakdown”. Fortunately, medication and counseling were able to ease her back to reality or so I thought.
Several years and several breakdowns later we were still together, but I had become more of a “caregiver” than a husband. Over that time I had accommodated her so much I had lost track of who I was and what my dreams were. I had given her the power to cut me off from friends and family. I was living in a prison with no walls, but didn’t know it.
I had made the mistake thinking that by showering her with love and attention that I could “fix her”. That by “making excuses for her actions” everything was going to be alright. That wasn’t the case.
Then, life changed again.
During a rare conversation with my mom I was told “Son, you’re playing Jesus trying to fix her. There was only one Jesus, and you’re not him.”
It felt like I was hit on the side of the head with a sledgehammer. “How could I have let all this happen?”
Shortly thereafter I began counseling and divorce proceedings.
Through counseling I learned I didn’t have to go through “this” alone. That there were others going through it right now or had gone through it before and made it to the other side. I learned that I, too, would be “ok”; maybe a bit worse due to wear & tear, but still “ok”.
As of this writing, my life is far better than I ever imagined. I met the woman of my dreams and married her. Not only did I gain a loving wife, but also three grown children and 4 grandchildren. My life is filled with different challenges now, but also laughter. And lots and lots of love. Oh, and more laughter.
I am grateful for all life has given me and for what the future holds. Life truly is good.
So, why did I make this my truly “first” post?
I want everyone who reads this to know “You Matter”.
There are resources available if you need help. Put your ego aside and seek them out. Use them. Lean on them. Trust them.
It won’t be easy. It may be the most difficult thing you ever do. You can do it.
Why?
Because “You Matter”
Dan’s View 