Author: Dan

Have you ever wanted anything? Have you ever received it without ever asking for it?

As a kid I used to write notes asking for things like a new bowling ball or bike then slip them under my parent’s bedroom door at night. I never received either, but at least I was letting them know my desires.

Isn’t that kinda like how prayer works? God has a cornucopia full of goodness and mercy waiting for us. All we have to do is ask. Did you get that?  All we have to do is ask!!

Best part – God’s horn of plenty will never run dry. Ever.

Now, I’m not saying you’ll receive everything for which you pray, but God will answer. Remember, just like our earthy parents, God can and does sometimes say “No”.  Maybe He gives us only part of what we ask.  Maybe we’re not ready to receive it “100%”. And you know what, that’s ok.  Maybe He’s teaching us a lesson or giving us time to prepare.  Heck, or maybe both!

What is it you desire the most? Who have you told? What actions have you taken so you can achieve it? Have you prayed and asked for it?

Stop reading this RIGHT NOW!

Go ahead.

Stop.

You didn’t stop did you? You just kept on reading…

Okay then. How about you take  a few deep breaths instead?

Feeling better?

For this next part, take as much time as you need.

Repeat it frequently…

Ask God for whatever it is you need. Maybe you need peace. Maybe you need healing. Maybe your need is financial. Maybe you don’t know what you need, but you know you need “something”.

Bundle “it” all up.

Lay “it” at the foot of the cross.

Let go of “it”. Let Him carry “it”.  He’s bigger & stronger than you’ll ever be.

“It” is His burden now.  He will provide an answer.

All we have to do is ask.

Just ask…

How often do you stop and ponder life’s really big questions?

“Why am I here?”

“What’s the meaning of life?”

“Why is the sky blue and the grass green?”

Time spent pondering the imponderables is often viewed as time that could have been spent on more worthwhile endeavors such as reading a classic novel or listening to classical music or having cookies and milk.

Why is it we look down upon simply taking time to “think about things”?

i’m not going to go down that rabbit hole.

Instead, I want you to take a few moments to consider the moments or events that had the greatest impact on your life as well as the people associated with those events. I’ve discovered the two go hand-in-hand; that is, you can’t have one without the other.

Who have been the biggest influences is your life? Outside of family, mine have mostly been teachers. It started with my kindergarten teacher Miss Jarret, 1st grade was Miss Scmidt – I told her if she waited for me I would marry her when I grew up. 3rd grade was Mrs Brainard. 4th was Mrs Voigt. 8th was Mr Tuska. Senior year of high school it was my English teacher, Mr McNamee. But the one teacher who was there from 2nd grade through high school was Mrs Bickford, my violin teacher.

Oh, how I hated her. Oh, how I loved her. I’m pretty sure her thoughts about me were the same!

I will never forget the day she called me a “gentleman” in front  of the entire orchestra.  I felt proud. I felt important. I felt like I had class. Best part, I was the only male violinist in a sea of females!

I will never forget the day she wanted to throw me out of the orchestra. Thanks mom, for going to bat for me.

I’m not sure how she did it, but Mrs Bickford always knew how to get the best out of me. Even when I didn’t believe I could; she believed in me – without fail. She knew when to push and shove. She knew when to ease up.

I hope everyone reading this has/had a person like Mrs Bickford in their life at some point. I’d be telling a lie if I said I didn’t think about Mrs Bickford’s influence on my life daily. It’s funny what triggers those thoughts. Sometimes it’s the Muzak playing in the store. Sometimes it’s seeing a little old grey haired lady that reminds me of her.  Sometimes it’s a stupid joke.

Do me a favor – if that person or persons is/are still alive and you have contact with them…

Thank them!

Why?

Because swithout their influence you wouldn’t be the person you are today. One person can make a difference. YOU can make a difference in someone’s life.

Just like Mrs. Magdaleine Bickford made a difference in mine.

Windy and I have the following plaque on the wall –

Seems pretty straightforward. You fall in love. Get married. Have children. You love them.  Your children fall in love.  Get married. Have children.  You love them, too. An endless cycle of love has started…or continued.

I got to thinking…Is it really that easy?  Where/how does all that love originate?  Why does love  seemingly expand at will? Can we ever run out of love?  How does love work?  Do we “love” simply because we are all part of a “family” and “have to” love everyone in that family? Is love learned?

Let’s look at this from a different angle…

You fall in love. Get married. Have no kids. Get divorced. You find love again. Get married again. Have no kids again. Get divorced again. Yet again, you fall in love. You get married, but this time it’s different. This time your spouse comes with adult children and their children.

Do you love them all instantly and vice versa? Should you? Does it matter?

Of course it matters; it goes without saying. At what point do you “start” loving everyone like they’re your own flesh and blood? How does that even happen? Trust me, it does happen. Every day it happens. Look around you, they’re out there – the “blended family”.

Or you could just ask me. I’m living the “different angle”.

There was no “definitive moment” for loving my kids (I don’t call them step-kids and they don’t call me step-dad) like they were my own flesh and blood. It “just happened” – over time and shared experience; each kid at their own pace.

Obviously, “something” happened which enabled my love to grow. Did the growth take effort? Did it take time?  Heck yes it did! Effort and time to get to know and understand what makes of them “tick”. Effort to discover their dreams and desires. Time to develop a shared trust and healthy respect.

Then again, there was also this…

When I met Windy her daughter Shannon was 7 or so months pregnant.  Since we had been dating about a month or so I figured Taylor’s birth would be an “immediate family occasion” and wasn’t expecting to be involved. Figured I’d get a text to let me know Shan and the baby were fine.

Oh, was I ever wrong. The day Taylor was born changed my life forever, in a good way. I not only got a text but a phone call asking that I come to the hospital. Now, I was living about 45 minutes away and was scheduled to work, but I jumped in my car  and drove as fast as I could.  I didn’t want to miss a single moment.

The second I held Taylor the strangest feelings came over me. Instantly, I believed I would do anything for her – even run through a brick wall if I must. It was one of the most amazing feelings I have ever had. Feelings I never knew even existed. Here was this tiny baby filling a space in my heart I never knew was empty.

How’d it happen?

Love expanded.

You give and give and give. Then you give a little more. Then a time arrives when you just can’t give any more. What do you do?  Where do you turn?  How do you handle it?  How do you refill your empty tank?

There are no wrong answers   Any answer that works for you is the right answer. That’s the key – it must work for you. 

How you arrive at “what works” is part of the solution.  Kinda like “It’s about the journey; not the destination.”

How I refill my tank is different than how you refill yours. There may be some commonalities such as praying, reading the Bible, or talking with friends & family; but mostly I just need time by and for myself.

Ah, and there’s the problem – not so much the alone time, but the GUILT that come with it.  I’m telling you, I begin wondering if I’m being selfish for taking the time.  I find myself asking:

“Shouldn’t I want to spend the time I’m spending alone with my family?”

“What am I missing out on when I take time for me?”

“Do I really need this time alone or is there some other way?”

When I was a kid, I would head to the woods to contemplate life. There was just “something” about being outdoors in God’s creation that I found rejuvenating and refreshing. Being out in the woods “filled my tank”.

You know what? I still head to the woods or sometimes the beach when the need for “me time” arrives.  I’ll grab a coffee, a few donuts and  maybe even a cigar then head on out. Maybe it’s the drive. Maybe it’s the tunes I blast in the truck. Maybe it’s just the simple act of doing something for me instead of someone else.

But you know what?

It works for me! 

Some days you hate ’em.  Some days you love ’em.  And on other days you probably really don’t think much about ’em. But you know what, they are always there.

Can you guess who or what am I talking about?

Your family. That’s who!

Families come in many shapes and sizes. A family can be “blended”, “extended” or maybe a combination of both. We, as individuals, can also belong to a “family” outside  of our home –  like a “school family”, “work family” or a “church family”. But, no matter to what type of family you belong, you play a unique role.

This is where all the fun starts. What is your role in the family?

Seems like a harmless question, doesn’t it?

I have two brothers – one older, one younger. Thus, I am the middle child. Growing up we all knew “our place” in the family. We grew comfortable and familiar with those “places”.  Funny thing; as we grew older and moved out from under our parent’s  roof, we had to establish a “new place” alone.  A place that gave us the opportunity to discover more about ourselves – both good and bad – and others.

We had the opportunity to test our own judgement, form our own opinions and strike out on whatever path we chose. Wow, that almost sounds like being a pioneer heading out into the great unknown.

Isn’t that truly what occurs though?

It’s through our experiences we become who we are. We never really “lose” the person we were when we lived under our parent’s roof. We simply keep adding to that person, redefining  and fine tuning ourselves through trial and error.

But, have ya ever noticed what occurs whenever you return home?

I get together with my dad and brothers for a golf outing almost every year. It amazes me how quickly and comfortably we all return to the role we had before we moved out! It’s like we all know our place and nothing has changed; except we’re all a bit grayer, slower, and  maybe chubbier.

That’s what makes “family” so special. Love ’em or leave ’em, they’ll always be a part of you; and you of them.

A “family” is forever

– My family – taken at our wedding in 2015 ❤️

When I first began dating the woman who would become my wife, I would stop at the store on the way into town for a bouquet of flowers. And I do mean every week. You could set your watch by it. Really, you could. Then I moved into town. Guess what? I didn’t stop in the store for that bouquet of flowers so regularly.

It only took a few missed weeks for me to discover the value of that bouquet in my wife’s eyes.  Consider it a lesson learned.

I tell you that story to ask you this question – How consistent are you in your actions?

Consistency affects every aspect of your life – from establishing a child’s bedtime or a “date night” with your spouse to developing a work ethic or working on self-improvement.

Maybe a better word to use would be “discipline”.

How disciplined are you?

In 2017, I attended a  Zurvita business conference in Houston, Texas. It transformed my life. I transformed from “Dan” to “Daniel”.  The keynote speaker was John Maxwell – a leader, some may say THE leader, in the personal development field. I was mesmerized. I found myself taking pages and pages of notes during his speech.

Here’s the quote that hit me right between the eyes –

“Discipline forms habits. Habits form you.”

Oh man, do I have a bunch of habits, many which are not so good. We all do. The good news is we can take actions to create new habits.

I procrastinate. It’s a well known fact. How can I change a habit that defines me?

Through discipline –  one day, one decision, one action at a time.  That’s how.

Here’s another story. Funny how life works….

Years before the convention I purchased “Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits” by Joyce Meyer. The book sat for months on my nightstand, gathering dust.  I figured I’d read it “someday”.  Did I mention I procrastinate?  Well, guess what –  “someday” arrived post-convention. What a great read. I wish I had read it sooner. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not.

Nothing worth achieving in life comes easy.  You have to willing to put in the work. You have to be disciplined; else all you have are unfulfilled dreams.

Is that what you want from life? I didn’t think so.

I leave you with yet another quote from the 2017 convention –

“Dreams are free, but the journey isn’t.” – John Maxwell

…change.

No single word strikes fear in the hearts of men like the word “change”.

Why is that?  What is it about “change” that we dread oh so very much?

Is it that “change” awakens us from our complacency, forces us out of our comfort zone and makes us grow?

If that’s the case, it’s the “growth” part that we dislike, not the “change” part.

Why do we have such a negative view of  “growth”?

I think the answer is simple – growth hurts.

Think back to when you were a kid, how many times did you hear, “Oh, those are just growing pains. They’ll stop once you quit growing.” And you know what? The pain did stop when you stopped growing didn’t it?

Try this on for size –  how much pain have you “avoided” by not having a personal growth plan? How much has life passed you by because you weren’t open to try something new?  Something as simple as reading a book, starting an exercise program or maybe even a new job?

Hmm…I’d venture it probably wasn’t “pain” “growth” or “change” that kept you from trying it.

IT WAS FEAR

FEAR FEAR FEAR

FEAR, plain and simple.

Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of success (yes, that is a “thing”).

We don’t like “change” because we fear what we don’t know.  To gain the knowledge of what we don’t know we read books, take classes or talk with the experts.

Funny, that sounds much like “growth” – which leads to “change”. Or should it be  “change” – which leads to “growth”?

Either way, don’t allow fear to keep you from living your best life.

“Hello. It’s your gifting calling.”

How would you answer that call?

Could you answer that call?

You do know you have a gifting, right?

I’m not talking about a pretty package wrapped in shiny paper with ribbons and bows. I’m talking about a divine gift.

You may not even think of it as a gift. It may be something you use or do every day without giving it a second thought.

Maybe you write poems or draw pictures. Or write music. Or always seem to know just what to say and the right time to say it  Yup, you’re gifted.

Pretty awesome, isn’t it?

So, what are you doing with it? Are you making the most of it?  Do you even know the best way to share it with others?

Let me assure you, the best thing you can do with your gift is to simply use it. Exercise it! Feed it! You were given the gift to use, so USE IT!

The more you use it, the better you’ll become at using it. Oh, and you’ll discover you want to use it more. That’s how it works.

Funny thing, is, that while it’s your gifting; you’re giving it to others. And that’s what makes your gifting so special.

Again, your gifting is not for you.

It’s for others! Share it!

“Sometimes you’re the windshield and sometimes you’re the bug.”

“Sometimes you’re the bat and sometimes you’re the ball.”

“Sometimes you’re the hydrant and sometimes you’re the dog.”

Perspective. Life is all about perspective.

Sometimes it’s called “seeing the big picture”, “seeing the forest through the trees”, or even “don’t sweat the small stuff”.

How I see an incident will be different than how you view the same incident.

Why?

Because we have lead different lives and have had different experiences. It’s these experiences which form the lens through which we view life.

You can learn a lot about an individual by watching how that individual tolerates a different perspective than his own.

Ask yourself – “How do I respond when I am in a situation where my perspective is far different than those around me?

Am I tolerant, indifferent, or engaging and open-minded? Is that good or bad?

The actions we take and the words we speak are part of what makes us who we are and what makes each of us different.

How boring this world would be if we were all the same.

Think about that for a while. Heck, it might even change your perspective a bit!

…think would happen?”

…want the outcome to be?”

…expect?”

Expectations are tricky. They come in many shapes and sizes. Expectations have many sources – parents, friends, teachers, and ourselves – to name a few. You can’t escape them. They are literally around every corner you turn or over every hill you climb.

“Expectation” as defined by the Webster Dictionary is “the act or state of expecting; anticipation.”

Humans are “anticipation junkies”. Seriously. We are. Embrace it.

How many times have you anticipated attending a party, vacation or some other big event  only to have the experience be less than you expected?  Heck, you probably even said “oh, this is not what I expected” when this happened, but somehow you still managed to enjoy yourself anyway, didn’t  you?

Oh, and anticipation works the “other way” also. You can receive more than you expected which still allows you to enjoy  the experience, maybe even enjoy it a little bit more.

So, how it is you can enjoy yourself no matter if your expectations are met or not?

Expectations are challenging. We place ALOT of pressure on ourselves and our events to be “perfect”. Unfortunately, life isn’t perfect. And neither are we. We fail alot. We fail to meet expectations alot.  However, we never stop trying to reach our lofty expectations or maybe we modify them a bit…maybe.

That’s what makes living so fantastic. When we fail, we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again. There’s no limit on the number of times we can do that. We only stop the cycle when we decide we’ve had enough; when we feel the efforts outweigh the benefits. And that’s too bad.

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you had tried “just one more time” and succeeded?

It’s easy to find out what.

Next time you feel like throwing in the towel. Don’t. Simply try again. And then try again. And then try maybe one more time. And then try one more time for good measure. And then try just one more time after that.

Why? Because you just never know what to expect around the next corner or over the next hill.