Author: Dan

Ok, not too sure how this blog entry will turn out. My head knows what it wants to say, but I’m not sure it knows how to say it. So, here goes…

“Second fiddle” – “a role played by by an assistant or second-in-command to someone else”

Many many years ago I played violin – second violin – to be exact. As a second violin my musical role was more about playing harmony than it was about playing melody. First violins play melody; that’s why they’re first.

In a way, you could say I was playing second fiddle.

And I was happy and enjoyed playing it. Never really wanted to play first violin. I knew my role and accepted it.

Somewhere along the line I heard the phrase “don’t be a second fiddle to anyone; strive to be the top fiddler.”

Ok, so how do I make that happen? Do I even want that to happen?

Reflecting upon my past performance in various jobs, I was a great “second fiddle” but never made the leap to being the “top fiddler” no matter how hard I tried.

Did I simply “label” myself a “second fiddle” and believe that “label” and thus “become what I believed”?

I’ve been doing some reading on this topic. Joel Olsteen discusses labels in “The Power of I Am” and “Think Better Live Better”. Briefly, he states labels are placed on us by others and ourselves which WE allow to determine our destiny. We must remember that WE do not control our destiny, but that He (God) does.

So, how can we overcome these labels placed on us?

To live better you need to think better. One way to think better is to start each morning with positive affirmations like: I am happy. I am strong. I am unstoppable. I am equipped to deal with today today and will be equipped tomorrow for tomorrow.

Tape them to your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door. Put them wherever you’ll see them. Repeat the exercise again at night.

It’ll change your life.

Take it from an ex-second fiddle.

You can do it. I know you can. It’s a simple two letter word that’s easy to pronounce.  Come on, let’s say it together…

Ready? Okay, let’s go…1…2…3…

‘No’

See, it wasn’t that difficult, was it?

So, why don’t you use it more often?

How much time have you allowed others to steal from you by not saying ‘No’ to their requests?  How much time have you stolen from others by refusing to accept ‘No’ as an answer?

We all are given the same 24 hours in a day. It’s your duty to use them responsibly. If you don’t value your time, why would you expect others to?

It’s about priorities. What are yours?

Do you spend your time working on your priorities or working on someone else’s.  Couldn’t a simple ‘No’ go a long way to ensuring your time is spent working on your priorities?

Yes! Yes it would!

So, go out and do it! Take back your time!

Start saying ‘No’ today!

Have you ever thought about what impact your life has had on others? Or even if your life has impacted others? Or maybe even imagined  what that impact to be?

Every interaction you share with another person changes their life and yours – from the simple smile given to a passing stranger to the lengthy conversation over yesterday’s news at work to the reading of a bedtime story.

Simply stated, “Your life has impact!”

What you do with that impact is up to you. How you choose to wield it – for the benefit of others or for your own benefit – lies squarely on your shoulders.

Do you view it as a burden or a gift in your life?

I’m not sure how many of us stop and examine our lives in this manner. We’re too busy trying to climb the ladder of success or struggling to keep a roof over our head. Just how different would your life be if you took the time to think about what impact you wanted to make and took the actions to actually make it happen?

It’s called “living your life with a purpose”.

We all have a purpose.

Are you willing to do the work to unearth yours and put it  to the test?

I’m not saying it’s going  to be easy. I’d hazard a guess it’ll be  just about the most challenging thing you’ll  ever do. However, the rewards will be immeasurable, last your lifetime and beyond.

No, isn’t that what it’s all about?

“Why?”

“Because mom says.”

How many times did you hear that as a kid…or maybe even as an adult from your kids?

Have you ever taken the time to think about when or why she said it?

Usually you uttered “because mom says” when you were the one who was selected to ask permission and it was denied; so that’s what you told your siblings. It probably went something like…

Siblings :”Hey, go ask mom if we can have a snack before dinner.”

Me: “Mom, can we have a snack?”

Mom: “No.”

Me: “Why?”

Mom: “Because I say so.”

Siblings: “So, what did mom say.”

Me: “She said ‘No'”

Siblings: “Why?”

Me: “Because mom says.”

This happened all the time when I was growing up. It happened so frequently that it became a running joke in our family. Whenever anybody asked mom a question we would say in unison  “because mom says” before she even had a chance to respond.

Looking back, permission was usually denied to save the hassle of the trip to the emergency room or from ruining our appetites.

Most importantly, she told us “No” because she loved us. She always has. She always will.

How cool is that?

Thanks mom!

I’ve had this blog idea bouncing around in my skull a few weeks now, but as the saying goes “there’s no better time than the present”; so here we go…

Allow me to start with a few questions –

Have you ever heard a “small, still voice” offer a warning or guidance at any time in your life? What did you do? Did you ignore it or follow its instructions? If you ignored it, did you suffer any consequences? If you listened, what was it you gained?

Bigger, better questions may be “where did this voice originate? and why?”

I ask you these questions because I want to share an experience that occurred in my life when I was 11.

When I was 11 I started caddying  at the local county club. The starting rate was $4 per bag + Tip for 18 holes of golf. On a good day I would make $12 – $14; which meant I “looped twice” (two rounds of 18). My goal for the summer was to save up enough money to buy a new Schwinn 10 speed.

At some point during the summer I had saved enough to buy the bike. What an awesome moment it was paying like $150 CASH and then riding the bike home! I was feeling pretty good about myself.

As the dog days of summer approached the days got longer and hotter, but I was still out there every Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and some Sundays lugging around members’ clubs.

I believe it was July 26th; a day like any other. I got to the club about 6:30am so I would be near the top of the list so I could maybe get out twice. I caddied that day for my “usual” member; nothing unusual occurred until the 13th hole.

On that hole, a member of the foursome on the 12th hole had hooked his drive into our fairway. As we walked toward his ball it was decided to let him “play through” before we walked by; so basically we were standing about 10 -15 yards  INFRONT AND TO THE LEFT of him.

That’s when I heard the voice. It told me to duck behind my bag for safety.  I chose to NOT LISTEN and just stood there as the gentlemen began his swing.

All I can remember in the moments following were hearing a “click” of the club hitting the ball and someone yelling “oh my God, you hit one of the caddies!”

Yes, I had been struck in the head by a golfball!

I was struck above  the left eye. The force of the golfball drove my glass frames into my forehead cutting me to the bone.  I was taken by ambulance to the emergency room where I was stitched up and admitted.

Later I learned I had suffered a “caromed eyeball”,  The force of the ball had actually changed the shape of my eyeball briefly which caused  retinal damage. To this day I only have peripheral vision in my left eye; which causes a whole bunch of other problems – especially with my depth perception.

Many many nights I ask myself why I didn’t listen to that voice. I wonder how my path would be different if I had ducked behind the bag. Then I realize that for me to experience the life God had for me, I had to have that experience.

This realization didn’t happen over night, but over many years of nights. It’s how I attempt to approach the many  challenges of life. I no longer focus on the “why me?” but think “what lesson/purpose does God have for me?” And ” am I willing to complete this lesson/purpose?”

My advise to you – If and when you hear that “small, still voice”

LISTEN!

The age old problem of where or how to begin exists. It sounds so very cliche to “start at the beginning”, but I believe that is the answer for me.

It was 1998 or 1999, a lifetime ago it seems. Life was good. I was married, owned a house and held down a fairly decent job. The world was my oyster.

Then “It” happened.  Unexpected.  Out of the blue.

My wife (now ex-wife) had a “break from reality” – the nice way of saying  – “mental breakdown”.  Fortunately, medication and counseling were able to ease her back to reality or so I thought.

Several years and several breakdowns later we were still together, but I had become more of a “caregiver” than a husband. Over that time I had  accommodated her so much I had lost track of who I was and what my dreams were. I had given her the power to cut me off from friends and family. I was living in a prison with no walls, but didn’t know it.

I had made the mistake thinking that by showering her with love and attention that I could “fix her”.  That by “making excuses for her actions” everything was going to be alright. That wasn’t the case.

Then, life changed again.

During a rare conversation with my mom I was told “Son, you’re playing Jesus trying to fix her. There was only one Jesus, and you’re not him.”

It felt like I was hit on the side of the head with a sledgehammer. “How could I have let all this happen?”

Shortly thereafter I began counseling and divorce proceedings.

Through counseling I learned I didn’t have to go through “this” alone. That there were others going through it right now or had gone  through it before and made it to the other side. I learned that I, too,  would be “ok”; maybe a bit worse due to wear & tear, but still “ok”.

As of this writing, my life is far better than I ever imagined. I met the woman of my dreams and married her. Not only did I gain a loving wife, but also three grown children and 4  grandchildren. My life is filled with different challenges now, but also laughter. And lots and lots of love. Oh, and more laughter.

I am grateful for all life has given me and for what the future holds. Life truly is good.

So, why did I make this my truly “first” post?

I want everyone who reads this to know “You Matter”.

There are resources available if you need help. Put your ego aside and seek them out. Use them. Lean on them. Trust them.

It won’t be easy. It may be the most difficult thing you ever do. You can do it.

Why?

Because “You Matter”

This is where I share thoughts and insights pertaining to my “life journey”.  I hope my ramblings inspire you to ponder your life’s imponderables. If you don’t stop to do it now, when will you ever do it? So, do it now!!

Thanks for stopping by.

– Dan –